This is the third post in a series of reflections from Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
At the beginning of Chapter 3, we find Much-Afraid alone and sleepless after her close call with the Fearings family and consequential rescue by her neighbor and friend, Mrs. Valiant.
She finally falls asleep for a couple of hours and then awakes with a start. The thorn of Love the Chief Shepherd had placed in her heart woke her with an excruciating pain she had never felt before.
Suddenly she realized why: He must have left her behind. He had called to her; He had told her to be ready in a moment to go with Him, and yet she didn’t answer His call. He left without her.
Have you ever felt this way? That you missed God’s call somehow, and now He’s left you behind because you failed to answer Him for whatever reason?
I’ve felt this way. My walk has always been with Him, but there have been times when I felt like I missed something good that He had for me, and now I’m just out of luck. It takes a good bit of faith in His character to believe that just isn’t so.
On her nightstand was “the old song book” (which of course represents the Word of God – our Bible). Hurnard, I suppose not wanting to devalue the actual Scriptures by using them in a work of fiction, uses this “old song book” to remind readers of the importance of spiritual learning and guidance through the very word of God.
It is open to a song that describes her situation perfectly. Paraphrased, it empathized with her realization that she was longing to be with Him, but He could not be found. The song told of another who had gone out into the streets to find Him, He who had left without her.
Her reaction was not “woe is me” in keeping with victimhood.
She got up.
What she was about to do would require the deepest strength and fortitude she could muster, because the only way she would know if He left her would be to go out in the dark alone and press forward to find Him.
Recall with me that she is a Fearing, and fear is probably her most debilitating weakness. It’s actually a part of her identity.
But her determination was bolstered by one thing: that pain of Love in her heart swallowed her fear and gave her laser focus. Even as she made her way, her crooked feet hardly slowed her down.
Our love for the Lord ought to embolden us to get outside our “comfort zone” and make the necessary efforts to stay close to Him, even when it feels like He won’t be there. Because, and it takes a certain amount of faith to realize this (about the size of a mustard seed), but He won’t ever not be there for those who are genuinely searching for Him.
Honestly, it’s like any other relationship we experience in this life. It takes effort on both parts; if one side ever neglects the relationship, the quality of that relationship begins to fade. This applies to friendships, family relationships, and of course romantic ones as well. We all know it takes two.
The main difference in our relationship to God is that He can never fail. The fact is, if my relationship ever fades with God, it’s on me, not Him. He is continually present. Omnipresent is the theological word used to describe this facet of His nature. It means He is present everywhere. But have you ever thought about what this means in His relationship with you specifically?
“Where can I go to escape Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to the heavens, You are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle by the farthest sea,
even there Your hand will guide me;
Your right hand will hold me fast.”
Psalm 139:7-10
He is always present, always with you. And with me. At the same time. It’s one of the principles of His nature that astounds me the most.
He will never leave you. Nor forsake you.
Goodness, I’ve allowed my feelings to make me believe I had been forsaken more times than I will admit. But He never, ever has. He’s always shown up for me.
As Much-Afraid makes her way through the darkness, she realized that the One who knew her so well, who had such deep compassion for her and her weaknesses, He would know that she didn’t want to be left behind.
Some of the reason she didn’t answer His call the night before wasn’t necessarily her fault (her family was keeping her silent), but recall she did have an opportunity to call out, but her fear got the best of her, and she was silent when she wasn’t made to be.
The Chief Shepherd could have said, “Welp. You had your shot and you missed it. Sorry about your luck. Try harder next time.” But that’s not the God I worship. That’s just not who He is.
She trusted His character rather than the dark and empty surroundings she could see or the daunting fear she was presently ignoring. Hurnard doesn’t imply this in the story, but I’ll go ahead and make the observation: she also wasn’t beating herself up over her past failures.
She was letting Love guide her, and trusting what she knew of His heart to allow hope to bloom. She looked to the hills, saw a faint light beginning to illuminate the sky behind the mountains, and heard a song begin to pour from her own heart.
She hurried along, anticipation being birthed from hope.
He was there, waiting for her, with the early sunlight shining on His gentle face and His kind smile.
He took her by the hand, and they started for the mountains.
If you’ve wandered from Him, He’s still here. He’s still waiting. And like the father of the prodigal son, He will, I promise you, He will receive you right where you are.
He loves you too much to ever leave you there, but He will take you by the hand and take you and me to higher places we could never even imagine without Him.
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