This is the second post in a series of reflections from Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
At the beginning of Chapter 2, we find Much-Afraid anticipating the outset of her journey with the Chief Shepherd toward the mountains. She is in her cottage, happily in song, simply waiting for His call to a place unknown to her, but wildly desired.
As the day wore on, doubt began to creep in; she wondered if He would ever come. But then she remembered how trustworthy He is and checked herself. Her expectation didn’t match His timing, but she quickly realized it was her expectation that needed adjustment, not His timing.
Goodness, this is a daily for me.
Just after midday, something else came to her rather than her beloved Shepherd. It was her family.
Remember from my last post that family can represent, yes, family, but it more often represents our past, or more specifically, the world influence that had a hold on us in the past.
While waiting on the Chief Shepherd, she was bombarded by the Fearings, whose intention was to bring her back to them – even if by force. They began by bolting the door to her cottage when they came in to keep her from escaping and to keep the Chief Shepherd from influencing her.
They were resolute in their efforts to convince her to marry Craven. He might not be attractive to her now, and his manner is, they conceded, a bit turbulent. But that was just because he needed the influence of a good marriage to soften him. It would, indeed, incite such a transformation in him! And she was fortunate to be the one to bring about such remarkable change in him.
Oh boy. This is one of the greatest lies ever told. Marriage is the very last thing that will cultivate an atmosphere of forging another person into a shape they don’t want to be in. In fact, if they don’t want to be different, marriage will only intensify their resolve. I’m not saying God won’t use our marriage to chip away at us (I think it’s His favorite tool!) but we have to want to be shaped by Him in order to be shaped. We know the best things about a person before we’re married, and we begin to understand the more difficult sides of a person within it. It’s just the nature of the relationship. So if she’s already seeing the unpleasurable side of him, a marriage to him would only make this worse.
As they are badgering her about this decision to marry Craven, the old Lord Fearing himself comes to reassure and console her, using a fatherly voice and calm temperament. He understood her hesitation, and he wanted to just calmly walk through it with her to see if he could help her situate things more clearly in her mind. He and the other Fearings went on to try to convince her that it was actually her misconceptions that were blinding her, and they were there to help her get it right. Mousy little Much-Afraid sat acquiescent, shrinking beneath the confusing onslaught. They were slowly bringing her to a frozen position of incoherent panic.
What is it that brings you to a place where you feel anchored in an emotion that keeps you from moving forward?
Fear has certainly played an obnoxious role in my past: fear of failure and fear of rejection being the most offensive. There were times when if I thought I couldn’t do a task completely head and feet first, completely all in, then the fear of failure reasoned it wasn’t worth doing at all. There’s no telling what this fear has stopped me from doing. Not that I’m advocating for doing something half-way, but it kept me from even trying. The ironic thing is: that’s the failure.
When I was a certain age, I cared way too much about what people thought of me. Well, not everyone, just certain people. I realize now that it’s because those that I didn’t concern myself with were people who were safe for me. It’s not that I didn’t care what they thought, it’s just that I didn’t have to concern myself with being accepted or rejected by them; I already knew I was loved by them. But there were others that I felt rejected by, and I had a hard time overlooking that. That fear of rejection caused a hyper-vigilance that I had to overcome.
There can be other things in our lives that aren’t necessarily fears, but are just as menacing in our lives. Things like pride, envy, and insecurity are powerful foes. They cloud our thinking, justify our behaviors, and give us an excuse to lash out at one another.
This is where we find Much-Afraid: in the paralyzing clutches of fear and self-doubt.
But then.
A lovely singing voice from the familiar songbook she knew so well began to waft in through an open window. The Chief Shepherd was outside, calling to Much-Afraid to come and meet Him.
Isn’t it just like Him to call when we’re in the midst of an earthly onslaught? That’s because He knows that’s when we need Him the most. Our human nature wants to be spared from the onslaught; it’s the first to bark, “Why doesn’t He come before the past or the world comes to take me captive?” But that is part of the fallen human experience. Upon whom are we going to rely when this onslaught hits? That is the question that needs to be answered within ourselves.
Everyone in the house fell to an eerie silence in one moment, waiting to see what Much-Afraid would do. In accordance with her own name, she did absolutely nothing. And the opportunity to call out and be heard slipped away.
They gagged her in His passing, choking her into fainting, until the sound of His voice faded in the distance. They conspired to drag her to their own territory while she was unconscious, but realized that would be too obvious to the Chief Shepherd’s other workers and they didn’t want to alert them – they may come to her rescue!
The other workers are, of course, the Church, the Body of Believers who are charged with taking care of one another, ministering to one another in times of need, and loving one another. What are we even doing if we’re not looking out for one another? The thing I love about this is that the Fearings fear the workers and their intervention. They recognize the power the workers have, so they are required to remain covert.
So they wait for a cover of darkness before gagging her again and forcefully taking her off. In keeping with their manipulative tactics, they allow Much-Afraid to recover in their presence to make themselves believable and trustworthy in her eyes.
When she comes to, she realizes how late it has become when she hears the voice of Mrs. Valiant in the cottage next door, her neighbor and a fellow worker. Much-Afraid pushes her guard and relative, Gloomy, aside and rushes to the window to call out to Valiant, pleading for her help, when the curtain is suddenly pushed closed.
This was all Mrs. Valiant needed to see; she knew her neighbor was in trouble.
She immediately came over and tried the door. When she couldn’t get in, she pushed her head through a window and commanded the unwelcome guests to leave at once. If they didn’t, she would call on the Chief Shepherd, and they would really get it then! This cottage belonged to Him, and they knew He wouldn’t stand for their reason for being there.
All at once, they unbolted the door and scurried out. When at last they were all gone, Mrs. Valiant came in and loved on Much-Afraid until she could regain herself again. And what did Mrs. Valiant use to bring her friend to this place? Hospitality. She made them both a cup of tea and kept the frail girl company until she regained her composure.
All this Mrs. Valiant did without scoffing at poor Much-Afraid’s cowering nature. She realized that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and this is why we all need each other.
When the time came to tuck her into bed for the night, Mrs. Valiant offered to stay with her, but was kindly sent home to her family. So Mrs. Valiant left behind a bell for Much-Afraid to call on her if anything else went amiss, and the whole Valiant family would be by her side at any point in the night.
This is a true friend and a valuable aide. If you have a Mrs. (or Mr.) Valiant, cherish them like the treasure they are. More than that, find someone to whom you can be a Mrs. or Mr. Valiant.
As Much-Afraid is overcome by the night into Chapter 3, consider what emotions and/or weaknesses are demanding of your attention and whether it warrants it. If it doesn’t, it might be time to break free of it.
What voices in your head do you need to stop listening to? What opportunities do you need to seize to stop the motion in progress? Who can you ask for help?
Leave a Reply